Summer can lend itself to rapid romance and sizzling sex. For one thing people wear less. It's like free advertising. What you see is what you get. But if you want things to last, you'll have to go beyond the surface. Here are ten keys to make a summer love stick around for winter.

Now I know it's tempting to want to keep things light. But the number one key is that any lasting quality relationship doesn't just happen. It takes work and effort. Daily maintenance. Think devotion, responsibility, and commitment.

 Key number two will be your best friend to assist you - open two way communication. It works both ways. Think versatile. A big one in this department is not to assume your lover knows what you want. They are not a gifted psychic who can read your mind. You have to tell them what you need. Maybe you're the kind of person who needs to hear "I love you" five times a day. But your partner never says it because in their family no one said it to each other. So instead to show you their love they buy you flowers, But you're allergic and break out in hives. You get the picture. Clear communication can rectify the situation and help you avoid a lot of misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt feelings.

The leads to keys three, four and five. Three - Don't have unrealistic expectations, four - listen, and five - try to understand their perspective. Respect is the bottom line here. When things start to bug you use key number six - don't criticize them. Practice patience and forgiveness rather than nagging. Just remember to use your second key and talk about what you're feeling. "I know you'd never do anything to upset me on purpose, but when you leave the cap off the lube I get ballistic. How can we work this out?"

So compromise and selflessness are key number seven. Avoid trying to change someone. It doesn't work. Avoid losing your own identity too. If it's not a good match, let it go rather than turning yourself into a pretzel to make it work. This can lead to resentment and contempt which are relationship killers. You want to be with someone you just like being with. The best relationships are the one's where both people are there each day because they want to be. We cannot own someone. We release them everyday. Trust is a huge factor here.

 Key number eight is to appreciate your lover. Remember what attracted you to them. Focus on their good attributes. Give compliments freely and often. "Honey you've got great ears that drive me wild - you're so hot." Key nine is to be supportive and encouraging of their hopes, dreams and struggles.

Finally, key ten is to keep things as fresh as a daisy. Newness keeps the fires burning. Go out and experience novel things together. Practice spontaneity. Keep dating no matter how long you've been together. Do dinner, a comedy show, movie, the theater or go dancing. Romance your lover. Give them flowers, chocolates and presents - just because. Stay connected and intimate. This includes the bedroom. Talk about sex. Spice it up with role plays, new positions, foods, accessories and fantasy. (For ideas see Meet The Fockers.)

Well there you have it. Use these keys with love and keep the temperature hot for all seasons.

By Angelo Pezzote, MA, LMFT
Source: gaywired.com

Ask Angelo regularly appears on www.gaywired.com. Angelo’s private psychotherapy practice is in Manhattan, NY and telephone coaching is available worldwide. Call 917-673-5003 or visit www.askangelo.com. Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.