Dear Aunt Phyll,

I'm a photographer and one of my favorite subjects to shoot is guys in their underwear. However, my kinky side is starting to pull at me creatively. I am finding I want to shoot guys tied up naked.

Am I just continuing on a road that starts out small and simple and ends up with whips and chains? Am I just growing creatively? Am I using my photography as a threshold to have hot guys in my control and calling it art and blaming art? Which is the voice I should listen to?

 

Dear Private Paparazzi,

Too often we try and compartmentalize our lives. We've been taught that there are only two little voices in our heads- one good and one bad- and our destiny is dependant upon which one we choose. Haven't we figured out that life is more than two-dimensions? We believe more in the complexity of our technological equipment than our own minds.

We all have different aspects of our personalities that vie for attention with compulsive behavior.

Our sensual side sneaks out when our prude side isn't looking. Our sweet tooth peaks it's head when our nutritious side turns its back. Our little procrastinator has a field day at the expense of our responsible adult, and so on. But, as with anything, life is about balance.

The most successful relationships in the world are based on understanding and a win-win balance. The fast track corporate CEO knows that strategic deals depend upon a certain amount of give and take (Our company will share our xyz technology in exchange for your zyx process). The best parent-child relationships thrive in balance (You can stay out an hour past curfew if you promise to bring up your test scores). Even long term love partnerships balance the scales (Honey, you can buy those Prada shoes if you promise to take me on a cruise next year).

More often than not we are willing to discuss deals with outside individuals, but not ourselves. There is no one good side and one bad side of you. You are one individual with many voices. Make a deal with yourself and let the different aspects of your personality shine.

This balance works well in my life. The more I let all of the aspects of my personality shine, the more well-rounded I become. I don't shun each side of myself, I respect them for what they are- me. As time passes, I come to enjoy each part of my personality. I never deny myself a slice of pie, but in exchange I promise myself I'll spend an extra 15 minutes on the treadmill. This way I satisfy my inner sweet tooth and gain points with my inner health nut. When I don't feel like writing on a particular day, I take time off without guilt or remorse. In exchange, I promise to work on the weekend or twice as hard the next day. Not only do I satisfy my productive side, I make my little procrastinator happy. I can go out during the week, but I promise myself to be up by a certain time. I let no part of my personality take full control or engage in compulsive behavior. The balance keeps all happy.

If your inner freak is crying to get out, talk to him. Give him some attention in a win-win deal. You don't have to throw your personal value system out the window to create sensual balance in your life. The key is staying within the parameters of your own value system- not others- your own. I make sure that no matter what, I won't harm others, steal, lie, etc. Create your own list all aspects of you personality can live within.

Give your R-rated man one or two photo shoots a month to take your fantasy shots. In exchange, ask him not to sneak his little voice into your head during your regular shots. Spend time listening to all those thoughts and desires that pass through your head; who knows, the kink shots may be your calling. Don't automatically disregard them as "bad." Compare your sensual thoughts to your master list of values and make a deal. Most true artists have challenged their inner expressive selves to create cutting edge work. Do you think Dave LaChapelle's mom is happy that he takes photos of celebrity chests and milk covered fashionistas? Probably not, but Dave's creativity isn't rooted in other's values, only his own expanded value system. This has made him one of the most revered artists of our time.

Give your art permission to express itself. Don't close the door based on an old value system and fear of the unknown. Make the deal and keep in mind- balance is the key... if you're willing to listen.

Yours in love,
Aunt Phyll