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Health -
Sex Talk
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Monday, 11 September 2006 22:58 |
I'm an HIV positive gay man. When should I tell someone whom I am interested in, dating and possibly looking at having a LTR with about my HIV status? Dear J. Q. Revealing,
It's understandable that you might be a little hesitant about discussing your HIV positive status, but it's always best to disclose any big skeletons as soon as possible. You do, however, want to give him a chance to get to know you as a person and not you as your status.
Go out on a few dates and see where things go. If you dig him and he digs you, then sit him down and spill the beans. I would suggest you not sleep with him before disclosing your status, though. He might feel betrayed later or focus more on his status than the possibilities of a healthy relationship with you.
Let him know that you cared enough for him to share this part of you and that many gay men have successful positive/negative relationships.
When the time is right, discuss safer sex. Also, let him in on how you are caring for yourself and what you expect from him.
Of course, you run the risk of losing that person, but realize that it's his lack of understanding and fear- NOT your status. Some people simply aren't mentally ready to date an HIV positive person; while others are unaware of the possibilities of a long-term and loving relationship with an HIV positive partner. Either way, it's a matter of education and maturity, not a deficiency on your part.
Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are. Be honest, be open. The right person for you will stick by your side no matter what!
Yours in Love, Aunt Phyll |
