19 Aug 05 Interview with a male couple:
Sebastian and Damian are a gay couple with an immaculate living room. Shoes stay at the door. Two polished candlestick telephones flank the TV.

The gold and green of their curvy, cast iron table are echoed on the curtains and the couch.  And their dogs stay off the carpet. It is far easier to find fault in their bedroom. Local law calls what happens there an "abominable crime" and an "unnatural offence". The Offences Against the Person Act makes sodomy punishable by imprisonment for five years and these lovers cum activists think that striking that provision from the law books is the first step in a campaign to change the way society treats homosexuals.

"One of our major objectives is to have gay activity decriminalised," Damian explains. "The law is archaic and uncalled for. Before we can speak about rights we must address that." The pair is part of a group that holds weekly meetings at Friends For Life-a Port of Spain-based organisation. FFL was established seven years ago as a support group for HIV-positive persons. It evolved into a sanctuary-of-sorts for the gamut of gay men-from homeless teen prostitutes to this coiffed, clean-shaven couple.

According to these two, the group's talks are not an exercise in cultural envy. The prospect of a homosexual bishop and a go-ahead on gay marriages are not on the agenda.

"We are human beings," says Sebastian. "And that's how we should be treated."

This pair decided to turn talk into action and has already appeared on an i95FM talk show where they identified the community's issues and fielded calls from mid-day listeners.

But all media aren't created equal. For this story they refused to have their picture

taken. The question of gay rights remains taboo and they say that the safety of the openly gay isn't guaranteed.

Sebastian tells a generic story to support the claim.

"People on the streets call you 'chi chi man' and 'macoumay man' and sometimes, for no reason other than that of your lifestyle, they actually assault you. When you go to the station to make a report they laugh at you. A gay person would have to think twice to even go to the police with a complaint. Officers would say: 'If you living your life as a buller man, what do you expect?'."

But it isn't always so, Damian admits. He says that the police force has undergone some sensitivity training and it showed when, a couple years ago, he was attacked in Tobago.

"They dealt with it as a matter of assault. The issue of whether I was gay came up during questioning and it didn't make a difference."

Police training is one of the issues that the community wants addressed. But the rest of their grouses lie well beyond the State's reach. The task at hand is to challenge an attitude to homosexuality that has been built by macro forces-religion, pop culture and the law-over centuries. They expect that open, honest debate would have an impact but aren't giddy with hope for quick change. Whether change will come depends largely upon how one question is answered: is homosexuality a choice?

Sebastian is certain that it isn't.

"It's no choice. It's not something you wake up one morning and say you want to be. Ever since I knew myself I found myself attracted to guys to friends to male friends, since primary school around age eight or nine. During my teen years I looked at it as a problem. All my male friends had girlfriends but I found myself attracted to them. I tried to fight my feelings. I've tried to kiss a girl. I wanted to puke."

When at age 16 Sebastian told his Catholic parents that he was gay, they marched him to a psychologist. When that didn't work he went to another.

"There were questions, questions, questions and no feedback. I'm going there twice a week, paying for sessions and getting absolutely nothing."

When they found that their son couldn't be set straight they threw him out of the house. He resolved to kill himself.

"I decided that I would take my life but I wanted to enjoy myself for a week or two so I did something illegal to get money." Sebastian's fortnight of bliss had nothing to do with sex. He got an apartment, bought some furniture and lived comfortably on his own for the first time. After that he drank Gramoxone. He is alive today because he turned out to be an experiment-gone-right. He was Dr Edward Addo's first successful Gramoxone case.

Twenty-one years later Sebastian has reconciled with his mother. He is a tailor ("self-taught," his lover adds) and he also organises parties and strip shows through an entertainment company he started with Damian, 29. The two have lived together for a year and they've exchanged rings. It's the gay man's "happily ever after". Many aren't as fortunate. Damian explained that most young, gay men live for a long time with the trauma of rejection or the strain of secrecy. Many professionals-psychologists and psychiatrists-treat homosexuality as a condition to be mended.

Many men don't stop at trying to kiss a girl. They get married, have children and find, still, that they can't get rid of the urge and its accompanying guilt. Then there are the teens who are put out when it's found that they are gay. Quite a few turn to prostitution.

"We all know what goes on. It happens in Curepe, in Victoria Square, on Murray Street, on George Street...You've got very few options when you're that age and you're out on your own," Damian says.

The couple explains that FFL offers these boys a range of services including job training and sex education. The issues of HIV and health are of particular relevance to the gay community.

They do not necessarily envisage a separate scheme of sex education for homosexuals.

"There should be a sexual education programme in schools that deals with all the issues-abstinence, contraception and sexual persuasion," says Damian.

Broaching the issue of homosexuality with teens in an open, intelligent manner, they think, creates the foundation for tolerance and undermines misconceptions.

And, the misconceptions are many. "A lot of people think that being gay is about sex," Sebastian says. "It isn't. Sex is just a small part of who we are and what we do. Ever since I know myself I've been a relationship person. I have morals and values. A lot of our friends come here, see how we live and say it's almost as though we're Christians. We have a relationship based on commitment and trust."

But the issue of religion is a painful one for many gay men. Damian disregards religion entirely. Sebastian says he's "kind of" a believer. It's hard reconciling their lifestyle with a belief system that says, unequivocally, that it's a sin.

"This is the way I define sin," Damian submits. "Is what I'm doing affecting anybody in a negative way? Does it cause pain or hurt, physically or emotionally? That is how I differentiate right and wrong and I don't consider what I'm doing to be wrong."

That's the point that they'll like the national community to consider and they've got a twin plan. The first fight is on the legislative front. They will lobby Government to address the laws that discriminate against homosexuals. The pair is inviting personal letters from like-minded citizens-gay and straight-to the Attorney General's office.

The next battle is in the social realm. They say that the only way for people to accept homosexuality is for gay people to be honest.

"It's the responsibility of gay men and women to become more visible," Damian asserts. "There are gay Carnival designers, Justices, Ministers of Parliament, doctors, radio personalities, lawyers . They are in a position where they already have respect and if they come out of the closet people will understand that being homosexual has nothing to do with your character or your competence."

Even so, Sebastian and Damian won't have their picture published. Coming out to an entire country is one of those things that's easier said than done.

Sebastian and Damian invite lobby letters addressed to them c/o P.O Box 1750, 92A Wrightson Road, Port of Spain.


Source: By Cedriann J Martin, Trinidad Express

Comments

Proud Written by Guest on 2005-10-10 19:45:05 Sebastian and Damian,    Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone make you feel any different.    Who are people to judge one an other. The bible say who without sin can cast the first stone and theirs no one on this face of the earth without sin.    My belief is live and let live.

Suport form Trinidad Written by Guest on 2005-10-21 08:13:10 He good to know that you guys can carry a healthy "comfortable homosexula relationship in Trinidad..I actaully moved fromt Trinidad to the sates just overa year ago..When I cma to the states was the first tiem I felt comfoortable enought o be honest with myself and pursue men as i have always been tempted to do. Stay strong hopefully Trinidadians will mature and becoem more accepting.