by Vusi

11/11/03 When a young man from Swaziland, in Southern Africa, was asked to contribute information for our up-coming International Gay Guide, "Where do gay people hang-out in your country and how can visitors get to the meet them?", he replied:

That is a very difficult question..., for various reasons. But let me try to explain and also, try to answer the question.

Swaziland is anti-gay and our legal system opposes gay relationships and as such, most gay people are very much "in the closet". Furthermore, the people in Swaziland are so friendly that they easily give you the impression that they are gay (by holding hands and being very close and loving), yet, you will be mistaken on more than 60% of the time. The people are naturally friendly and they are very loving, but unfortunately, our society and the Laws of our country, have imposed a great negative oppression upon gay people and as such, the majority fear exposure. Even if they act gay, they may turn you down because they have never actually gone through with it. You could swear that a person is gay, yet they will never concede to it, as the oppressions imposed are embedded so deep into their subconscious, that they don't or are unable to act on their desires.

On the other hand, there are some who are straight-acting that will 'blossom' behind closed doors in such a way that you could never believe. I had the best sex in Swaziland with very "straight" looking and acting men. In fact, my current lover is so straight, sometimes I wonderful if he is really gay (although we have been committed to each other for over 5 years and he has never been with a woman or another man). But his need, as well as for many others including myself, to look and act straight, is all in fear of exposure, and sometimes it even destroys a little part of us. Therefore, it is very difficult.

As a word of advise/caution.

For all those visitors intending to visit Swaziland and other African countries, please note that most Africans are used to sleeping with each other because of their up-bringing, where in many cases, they have had to share a bed or ground mat, for the larger part of their life. Therefore, visitors must never mistake an acceptance to share a bed as an acceptance for sex. It is just that we find nothing wrong in sharing a bed with someone of the same sex. The acceptance in most cases, is very innocent. Please, do not draw any concussions before you have talked about it and you are sure of your partner's interest before you act.

Fortunately for visitors, it is much easier for you to discuss your feelings and to show your interests with the people you meet, as tomorrow you are gone and need not worry what impressions you have left behind, should your partner decline your advances the night before. But for us, living in Swaziland and in many other African countries, it is so much different. We can never consider discussing our feelings with someone that we are not sure of and many a times, we lay next to each other in bed, just waiting for the other to make the first move. And should we make that first move and it fails, we spend the next weeks and months, worrying over whom he will tell. It is very difficult...

About the places to go and where to meet.

I can advise that there is one bar in our capital city of Swaziland - Mbabane, called: Jazz Friends, which I can say is a place I found more than one "queen" (men with feminine tendencies) and on more than one occasion, and that could imply that they feel comfortable there. As such, it is the only place I can say is gay friendly (yet, it does not promote gay acts). However, you can meet gay people at any night-club, in that, many of us feel comfortable at night-clubs. Also, most of the men that I have met, have been through night-clubs. I don't know, maybe the alcohol and music, makes one more relaxed and feel more confident to approach someone you like, as it is known that alcohol brings out the true person in you.

Good Night-clubs in Swaziland are:

The Why Not Disco

the House-on-Fire.

These are well known clubs. The first (The Why Not) offers exotic dancing in a good environment and the other, is just a very pleasant club most suitable for people of all ages. Both clubs offer restaurant facilities and great security.

But please be further advised, that visitors must not just come out and ask around for gay people, but rather, be in the right place and wait for them to come to you, as in many cases, they will approach you if they are interested. However, this too is difficult, as visitors are also expected to use their own experiences to judge who is really interested in them and who is just interested in their money (and not gay). As usual, strong eye contact is a good indication of gay interest. Thereafter, once you are in a secure place (out of ear contact but still in a public place), and after you have got on well together, that is when you can open up and see if the person is really interested or not. That's my best advise. Get your gaydar active.

Alternatively, (which is a very useful tool) you can find some gay people from Swaziland on Gaydar, at www.gaydar.co.uk I found that gaydar has a great listing of gay people throughout Africa and people can easily find someone to show them around when in the African states (PS: I did the same for someone from Ireland not long back). House parties are very effective (not unlike the Caribbean), and you may find that the people you meet through gaydar or elsewhere, could arrange such a party for you to meet other gay people, as gaydar only accounts for a very small percentage of the gay population - most Africans do not have access to the Web, there is only a very few of us that do. Through such parties, you are guaranteed to enjoy yourself and it's one of the best ways of meeting gay people of the same interests.

PS: I have many gay friends and straight friends and as such, my parties are not sexual or explicitly gay. But we mix very well, as long as you respect each other. I do believe that my straight friends also know that I am gay, but they are OK with it. Maybe, in a way, they can relate???

Well, to all those potential visitors out there, do visit Swaziland. It's a wonderful country and hey, maybe we will even bump into each other. Who knows?

With Love, Vusi Swaziland Facts:

Swaziland lies in Southern Africa, between Mozambique and South Africa.
Size: 17,363 sq km
Population: 1,161,219
Note: estimates for this country explicitly take into account the effects of excess mortality due to AIDS; this can result in lower life expectancy, higher infant mortality and death rates, lower population and growth rates, and changes in the distribution of population by age and sex than would otherwise be expected (July 2003 est.)

Language: English (official, government business conducted in English), siSwati (official)

More info from Behind the Mask:

Pictorial View Of Swaziland

• Pamms WWW
• Shawn Kelly.com
• Geoff's Travel Scrap Book

Places To Stay:

• Visit Swaziland

HIV & AIDS News:

• United Nation A.I.D.S