If You Where A Dildo Of The Zodiac

Scorpio
A Scorpio dildo person is the nation’s No 1 best sellers. That's probably because the other dildos try to impress you with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio.

The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught!

Scorpio dildos come in two makes, basic black with hidden sting gun and the stealthy invisible model. Leather, studs and chains are optional.

Propriety is a concern for our dear little Scorpios, each package of Scorpio dildos comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement, lawyer and £5000 fine if you breach the contract.

Symbolized by the venomous Scorpions, when you really want a sexual sting from a lover, you want a Scorpio dildo.

Sagittarius
Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian dildo people are the roofless sports cars. They come equipped with round the world airline tickets and all sorts of sports equipment.

Sagittarian dildos are the ones that grow old with you. They promise you the world but tend to deliver nothing as this worldly life is all in their head. Though they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a dubious nature if that’s any consolation.

The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be on target with Cupid's arrow’s, you want a Sagittarius dildo.

Capricorn
Capricorns are known for their longevity, practicality, ambition and conservative nature. Capricorn dildos tend to be on the boring side.

Capricorn dildo people are the most durable, having the longest shelf life, and are extra strong to take on a sexathon!

With Capricorn dildos long-life batteries and matching brief cases are optional. Be sure to dry clean your Capricorn dildo lover every now and then otherwise the cob-webs and dust make your Capricorn run slower.

Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're ready to do a bit of up hill running, you want a Capricorn dildo.

Aquarius
Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius dildos have a mountain of energy, but somewhat politically correct and cheesy. Aquarian dildo people are just a little bit kinky borderline weird! They come in dazzling red and ultra hot pink and glow in the dark some odd green colour.

With Aquarius dildos, the packaging features political and cheesy slogans such as ‘If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together’, ‘No darling let me do the dishes tonight, vacuuming, cleaning and ironing’, ‘I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are’.

Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian dildo people come in multi-packs with a voucher to buy another one at half price and are detachable to share with your friends!

So if you’re throwing a party and looking for a bargain, then Aquarius dildos are for you.

Pisces
Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on mysticism. They are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss and fantasy. Pisces dildo people are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Drops of tears and warm hugs are optional. Pisces dildos are filled with fantasy sex games.
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Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you're on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces dildo.

Aries
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action-packed people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries dildo people are made from the finest lambskin (Fake version available on request).

Aries often exhibits a "get up and go" attitude, Aries dildos come in a range of different models from the rugged adventurous jeep to the roofless red sport’s car. Leather upper, extra big wheels and racing helmet are optional.
Aries prides themselves on being first and best.

Aries dildos are perfect for quickies. When you want to get in and out under a minute you want an Aries dildo.

Taurus
Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded. Taurus dildo people are made from the most luxurious materials such as silk and fur though usually fake as they are economical! If you are looking at saving your pennies, Taurus dildos give you quality at an affordable price (usually buy these sorts of people at the £1 shop)

Taurians may be a tad slow to make their minds up, but once they've made a decision, they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus dildo.

The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus dildos are the ones you want when you're really horny.

Gemini
Geminis are known for their versatility, intellect and fab communications skills. With this in mind a Gemini dildo person is your flexiable sexual friend!

A Gemini dildo person is made of rubber and sold in multi-packs. Talking and non-talking versions available in many different languages. They are available through mail order and the internet and if lucky at the markets if you are searching for a bargain.

Frequently, Gemini dildos sell two for the price of one with specific instructions for them to do all the work in bed!

Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini dildos come in twin packs and are the preferred model for double headers. If you are looking for a double whammy at a bargain, Gemini dildos are for you.

Cancer
Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and tradition and everything right. Therefore, Cancer dildo people are waterproof (handy to know with this British weather!), heat resistant but sink if placed in water. Glowing in the dark is optional for night sex.

Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer dildos, if you decide to become a parent, they also come with a lifetime supply of nappies and a list of nannies. Cancer dildos need to be tucked into bed and sometimes ask for a bedtime story.

Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer dildo.

Leo
Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro) creative urges. Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo dildo people come in diamond case with their name on it. One size fits all.

Leo is symbolized by the lion. When you are ready to scream with fear, you're ready for a Leo dildo.

Virgo
Virgos are fussy and rather particular. Virgo dildo people seek absolute perfection and ultra tidiness in their buyer.

Virgo dildos are also environmentally aware. Naturally, they run on eco friendly energy, have the highest performance rating, and come equipped with a detailed, all-purpose instruction manual made of re-cycled paper and video with a lifetime guarantee!

Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you're looking for a first time every time, then you're ready for a Virgo dildo.

Libra
Librans are artistic, loyal and are always out to please others. Libra dildo people are the artistically over-the-top, look at me, snooty fancy European catwalk brand and come in an exclusive designer Gucci bag way too expensive for you!

A Libra dildo is always out to please designer accessory lover. As loyalty is vital in a Libran dildo’s life, if you loose them, you’ll be sure they’ll come running back to you with their in-built homing beeper. They are reversible and can turn into a double dildo thus sharing the responsibilities.

Libran’s are a sign of balance and symbolise scales. So if you are looking for a bit of balance in your life then turn to a Libra dildo.