A BLACK GAY/LESBIAN PATH OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE
By: Herndon L. Davis

I love being gay and it has nothing to do with sex.
I love being gay and it has nothing to do with lust.
I love being gay despite the ridicule, hatred, despise, discrimination, and being the topic of physical harassment and murder.
I love being gay because I love myself.
I love being gay because I am happy with myself.
I love being gay because l accept myself.

Finally, I love being gay because it is who, what and how God created me to be; undeniably in his own image. 

I wrote the words to this poem as a last minute addition to my book, “Black, Gay & Christian.” The words flowed quick and easy and were in my manuscript before I could blink, but the depth and volume behind the simplicity of these words is something that I and many others have confronted and so many more must follow.

In its most basic structure this poem represents a simple act of acceptance. More to the point it is self-acceptance, God’s acceptance, and the path that grows from it. It is love, self-love, God’s love and the corridor of faith and confidence that eventually leads you to a life of peace and joy.

So can you do it?? Can you stand in front of a mirror or in front of others and say those words? Can you say that you are happy, proud and loving the fact that you are Black and Gay with a “straight” face and without a nervous stomach or twitch? Can you say those words and truly mean it beyond a shadow of a doubt?? 

Can you recite this poem and truly feel that you are indeed worthy, justified, and affirmed? Or do you still feel a wince of hesitancy, uneasiness or deeply hidden shame behind a veneer of false bravado?

Please do not confuse your being comfortable with your homosexuality with genuinely embracing and loving yourself and accepting what God has created you to be. There is a distinct difference between the two.

One can be outwardly comfortable as gay/lesbian yet still inwardly struggle with their sexuality in terms of spiritual and social acceptance. Then there are others who are neither outwardly nor inwardly comfortable with being gay/lesbian. In fact many of these individuals preach volatile and self-hate inspired sermons from their pulpits as a result of their struggle.

So can you say that you “love” being gay and truly mean it??

Well if you can’t, then don’t feel too bad because you’re not alone. Many black gays/lesbians still needlessly toil, dangle and suffer over a component of their personhood that does not really matter. To be Christ-like, to grow spiritually, to walk higher in God has everything to do with your personal relationship with Jesus, your faith in his word and its dual impact upon every aspect of your daily life. To be an ambassador of Christ you must simply live it, not just say it.

Follow the teacher our Messiah not a confused and self-righteous society. Study the words of the teacher, our Lord and Savior, not your opinionated pastor/bishop. Accept the unconditional love of the Anointed and not the conditional love of the self-appointed.

So can you say that you “love” being gay and truly mean it??

Well it takes more than just saying the words; it starts with a process of humbly praying before God asking for his strength, guidance, and most of all for understanding in a world that cannot seemingly comprehend the beauty and diversity that God HIMSELF has created. It takes standing, walking, and running on your faith. It takes courage and endurance peppered with pain and suffering which will build you stronger than you ever thought possible.

So can you say that you “love” being gay and truly mean it??

If not, then ask yourself why you cannot accept God’s love? By not accepting all of yourself, you are rejecting God. God did not create a physical being, a spiritual being then a sexual being. He created a fully integrated physical, spiritual and sexual being all in one. You cannot separate one from the other no matter how hard you try. So by rejecting the sexual aspects of your being, you reject God’s decree, decision, and will in your life. Hence, you reject God’s love.

So can you say that you “love” being gay and truly mean it??

Please remember that no amount of heterosexual sex, heterosexual marriages, or children conceived and born to you will change your homosexual orientation. No matter how high the Church chain of command you achieve it will never erase your homosexual orientation. No matter how masculine or feminine a man or woman you are it will not exempt you from your homosexual orientation. 

So in spite of your heterosexual relationships or marital status do you still embrace yourself, love yourself and accept God’s total unconditional love as a black gay/lesbian?

So one last time, can you say that you “love” being gay and truly mean it??

Well before you answer the question, let’s clearly understand what exactly it means to be gay/lesbian. Contrary to popular belief, being gay/lesbian is NOT about gay sex, lust, clubs, parties, drugs, discrimination, hate crimes, masculine, feminine, top, bottom, versatile, butch, lipstick or anything else in between. 

Instead, being gay/lesbian is all about who you are inside in terms of your spiritual, emotional, intellectual, mental, and romantic connections with another person of the same gender. This mutual connection has the potential of growing into love in the form of a committed, trusting and loving monogamous relationship.

You can continue to choose to embrace what society defines as being homosexuality or you can begin to critically THINK for yourself about your sexuality and your spirituality. 

You can choose to continue to embrace societal labels and stereotypes of homosexuality or you can begin to critically RE-THINK your previous knowledge, theology, and understanding of God and your resulting behavior as a gay/lesbian.

You can choose to continue to embrace self-hatred, loathing, shame, and denial or you can do what I did, which was to humble myself before God for HIS direction and HIS direction only, removing all of my personal opinions, previous knowledge and understanding out of the mix in order to hear a clear and distinct word from God and not of myself or of Satan, who is a deadly and lethal liar.

Bottom line, why is it that I love being gay? Well the answer is simple. 


I love being gay because I love myself.
I love being gay because I am happy with myself.
I love being gay because l accept myself.

Finally, I love being gay because it is who, what and how God created me to be; undeniably in his own image. 


Herndon L. Davis is author of “Black, Gay & Christian” and can be reached at http://blackgaychristian.com