25 Jun 05
By LEONIE MELLOR

This article was published in the "Leader" on December 18, 1996-7

Families’ slicing into roast turkey on Christmas Day is the image that will send some people over the edge this year.

Youth worker Ralph Graham says that while Christmas is a hard time for many people who cannot be with their loved ones, it is particularly hard for gays and lesbians. Coming to terms with their sexuality and fear of rejection can be too much. The pressure is reflected in gay and lesbian suicide statistics around the festive season.

Ralph estimates the number of gay suicides compared with non-gay suicides increases by about one third around Christmas "I think it increases dramatically because of the sense of loss or the fear of rejection around this time of the year of being part of your family," he says.

Ralph is a foster parent with Family and Community Services and has been a member of support group Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays. "Christmas is a hard time for everybody…the emotions, partners who have lost partners through death and are on their own for Christmas," he says. "But I think the hardest part is a rejection of a member of the family who’s still alive. And one of those aspects is in the gay community."

Last year Ralph received three calls from people attempting suicide in the lead-up to Christmas. All three were young men trying to come to terms with their sexuality. One had the support of his parents, another had not yet told them and the third was not comfortable with being gay, fearing rejection from his parents, family and friends.

Ralph says Christmas is also the time when many people ‘come out’. "It’s very hard on younger ones who haven’t told their parents," Ralph says. "They tend to take alternatives by staying away from home at Christmas time with their friends, not confronting the family with it and therefore living an existence outside the family. For older people who are in relationships it can mean they have to separate from their partner because their families have not accepted their child’s different lifestyle, he says.

Ralph says parents, too need support. "With having gay children they feel a loss, the loss of being a grandparent, of their children getting married," he says. "They go through a guilt that they did something wrong. They need to be told they didn’t do anything wrong. The parents don’t realise the children have a fear of telling them, a fear of being forced out of the family. It’s a major fear, anxiety which, around this time of year, can push people over the edge."

Aids Council general manager Bernie Coates said everyone who worked in the field know the lead-up to Christmas saw an increase in gay suicides but there was no documentation to show exactly how many people were affected during this time.

Over the Christmas period, The Samaritans are available to those in distress who wish to talk with a trained befriender - call 08457 909090.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!