27 Jun 05

(The following is part 2 of a 2 part essay series focusing upon depression within the black gay/lesbian community.)

In our last discussion we identified what depression is, and then specifically targeted Black Gay Depression as a valid condition that affects our community. We then analyzed the first three steps of recovering from Black Gay Depression, which are:
1. Understand Depression
2. Admit that you are depressed
3. Make an active effort to seek help

The latter three steps in overcoming Black Gay Depression deal exclusively with spiritual reconciliation, self-development and overall growth in your life. You see Black Gay Depression can only thrive when you’re un-reconciled, underdeveloped and have a diminished outlook in life.

Event triggers such as racism, homophobia, classism, ageism, and HIV/AIDS phobia are some of the underlining reasons that help to deepen an un-reconciled, underdeveloped and deeply diminished black gay psyche into further depression. However, this does NOT have to be the case as we discuss steps #4-6.

#4 – It’s time to finally reconcile your spiritual beliefs with your homosexuality.

This is much easier said than done, but it can happen and has happened for scores of black gays/lesbians including myself. If you still struggle thinking that being gay/lesbian is a sin or to practice it is an abomination before God, then you will never truly overcome your depression.

Yes, you may learn to cope, hide, or even bury your conflicted feelings, but please believe they still harbor in your mind. Even further, they stand ready to flare up the next time your pastor/bishop gay bashes in the pulpit, or the next time you hear a homophobic joke at work, or when you engage in your next secretive same-gender sexual foray.

Over time your mind builds self-defense mechanisms to cope with the pain of spiritual abuse and societal homophobia, but it still does NOT erase the internal confliction, confusion, and the dilemma that so many within the black gay/lesbian community still face.

In order to reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality it will require you to personally dig deep inside and seek out your own personal relationship with your creator that does not involve anyone in your church, family, or social circle.
This involves both prayer and meditation in coming before your creator not asking to be changed, but instead asking for enlightenment and direction. If a change is truly to occur in your life either way, it will be revealed to you through your meditation. But again this is between just you and your creator. Invite no one to join you on this deeply personal journey. You must go at it alone.

Even further, your journey of spiritual and homosexual reconciliation will most definitely require you to personally and aggressively read, aggressively study, and aggressively research what the bible really says about homosexuality and its interpretation, misinterpretation, translation and mistranslation of scripture by society.

Only YOU must do this. Remember no one in society, including your parents, pastor/bishop is going to voluntarily liberate you. They’re too bound by societal misbeliefs. You must liberate yourself with knowledge, prayer and meditation!

In the past, I have given theological and exegetical counter responses to the supposed homophobic scriptures in the bible in prior essays and also in my book, “Black, Gay & Christian.”

Instead of doing this again, I have decided at the end of this essay, to provide you with close to 30 Gay Christian affirming recourses, a tiny fraction of what is actually available both online and in bookstores and libraries around the country. Start here to do your own independent study and research. Go to each of the website links of each site listed and explore those as well.

I have learned that it is not enough to just give people the fish of knowledge to eat. Instead it’s much better to show people how to fish for their knowledge and spiritual reconciliation for themselves. Reconciliation is solidified not by my telling you the answers, but instead by you finding and learning the answers yourself and embracing it for yourself.

If you truly are willing to open your mind and heart to knowledge allowing the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of you to filter what’s best for you to embrace, then I invite you to read, study and research!

#5 – It’s time to redefine, remake, and reclaim your life!

For far too long many of us have allowed other people to tell us who we are, what we will amount to, what we can do, and what our Creator thinks of us. Let today be the day that you start living your life without those negative outside influences and allow God or your Creator to define you, to breathe through you, to guide your footsteps, to redefine, remake and reclaim your life!

If you have a dream, then pursue it no matter how great the risk of failure. If your heart has been broken, allow God to heal it and teach you how to trust and love again. If you’re being attacked by the Enemy in every direction, listen for that clear, calm voice instructing you on what to do, even if its simply to stand still.

Your life is ticking away, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, and second-by-second. Embrace every opportunity, good, bad or indifferent. Follow the path that you are divinely led to walk, even if it flies in the face of conventional wisdom.

Reject and delete anything and everything that isn’t God that tries to proclaim, drive and lead your life! You must change your internal mindsets, self-image, and feelings of unworthiness in order to truly transcend the “world” view of your sexual orientation and instead accept God’s view, acceptance and love of you in your spiritual relationship with him.

You must break the emotional strong holds of guilt, fear, shame, denial, depression, self-loathing and unworthiness and instead pray to God to bring all of those ill thoughts into captivity and to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

When you finally start living your life without fear, guilt, shame, denial or intimidation, only then will the windows and doors of opportunity open up for you. Only then will the clear blue sky truly be your limit in what you can do and where you can go!

#6 – Share Your Liberation With Others

Share your liberation in overcoming Black Gay Depression with others! Don’t keep it a secret. Share the source of your peace and joy. Share the resources that I’ve listed following this message. Share your struggle but also share your victory!

Don’t keep your liberation a secret. Let others know how you got there and lend a helping hand to those who still struggle with Black Gay Depression. The more you share, the more you liberate, the stronger our overall bond of empowerment will be. Don’t keep your victory a secret!

Herndon L. Davis is an author, lecturer and TV Host.

GAY CHRISTIAN RESOURCES:

Black, Gay & Christian: An Inspirational Guidebook to Daily Living
By Herndon L. Davis, http://blackgaychristian.com

Will I Go to Heaven: A Black Spiritual Dilemma by Tuan N’Gai
http://biazoministries.homestead.com

Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse by Dr. Rembert Truluck
http://www.truluck.com/html/the_bible_and_homosexuality.html

Operation REBIRTH http://www.operationrebirth.com/

“Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe” by John Boswell

Soulforce Bible Responses
http://www.soulforce.org/whatthebiblesays.pdf

Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture by Bishop John Shelby Spong http:www.bishopspong.com

Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality by Bishop John Shelby Spong http:www.bishopspong.com

Unity Fellowship Church Movement
http://www.unityfellowshipchurch.org/

Whosoever
http://whosoever.org/index.shtml

Soulforce
http://www.soulforce.org

http://www.gaychristianonline.org

“The Good Book” by Peter J.Gomes

“Loved Lifted Me: In Spite of the Church” by K. Godfrey Easter

Unclutter: Cleanse Your Spirit and Claim Your Stuff by Pastor Kevin E. Taylor (www.unclutter.org)

Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry
http://www.clgs.org/

“Good News! Sermons of Hope for Today’s Families”by Dr. Jeremiah Wright.

http://groups.msn.com/GayChristianOutreach/

http://groups.msn.com/AbsolutelyGayChristianMen

http://msnusers.com/GraceOnline

http://www.alga.org/

http://www.integrityusa.org/

http://www.rainbowbaptists.org/

http://www.tamfs.org/new/index.asp

http://www.rmnetwork.org/

http://www.umaffirm.org/

http://www.ecwr.org/