On Christmas morning, many of us will find ourselves sitting around brightly lit trees, ripping open presents in an orgy of excited anticipation and flying paper. Over the years, Christmas has become more of a 'commercial' event than a religious one, and for many of us non-religious types, that's just fine. But even if you aren't interested in the religious side of Christmas, perhaps it is time to embrace at least some of the more traditional meanings of the season.

When I was younger, Christmas was often a time of disappointment. As a child, all I really understood about the holiday was that I was supposed to get lots of presents, be warm and full of good food, and enjoy spending time with my family. Instead, I was often cold, sometimes hungry and presents were usually second-hand clothes and whatever little thing my single mother could find at the thrift shop or discount store. This wasn't to say I was deprived, my mother did everything possible to make the holidays as joyful as she could. But I knew that many other kids were celebrating holidays in a cheery home, surrounded by colorful gifts, and enjoying delicious feasts with their extended families. I tried to put on a happy face, but I couldn't help but feel a little left out of all the joyous festivities that other kids seemed to enjoy.

As an adult, I know that when I walked past all of those warmly lit windows full of decorations, that many times the families inside those houses were no better off than I was. I am sure that many of them certainly were worse off emotionally, if not financially. Even though I knew this, I still spent many a holiday season as an adult trying to make up for the things I thought I had missed out on as a child. Often I blew everything I had buying presents for my friends and family (and myself.) I seldom decorated, but I always made sure that I was definitely warm and well fed every Christmas day. And I always tried to surround myself with people I loved who I could enjoy the holidays with. Having a 'good holiday' was like a holy mission - I was going to enjoy Christmas no matter what! And, usually, I was able to do just that.

Over the past couple of years, I have found myself starting to care less and less about the 'trimmings' and more about the substance of Christmas. I've never been particularly religious, but I have gradually begun to infuse the holidays with my own 'spiritual' significance. Christmas, to me, has now become the last celebration of the old year. One last chance to review the old, celebrate the good, throw out the bad, and make ready for the new.

In celebration of the season, this year I have made myself a list of Christmas Lessons to take with me into the new year. Things I have learned about myself and the world over the past year that I want to remember. I encourage you to make a list for yourself as well, so that in the next year you will always have something to remind yourself of the good things 2004 held for you.

1. Be Yourself. Whether going on a date, or trying to socialize with friends, often we put on a 'mask.' We do this in order to get others to like us, want to be with us, or just because we are uncomfortable and don't know how we should act in a situation. Try going without the mask. The friends you will make will bereal friends who want to be with the real you. The lover or partner you find will be someone who desires you for who you are, rather than who you are pretending to be.

2. Get Involved. Many of us let the world spin around without us for the most part. We might complain about the 'state of the world' or find ourselves unhappy because we feel we aren't doing anything worthwhile. In the new year, actually do something that is not about you. Whether it is writing a letter to an editor, just volunteering a couple of times at Habitat for Humanity, or giving up your weekends to campaign for your chosen Bush replacement candidate. Get out there, because yes, even one person can actually change the world.

3. Don't Settle. We so often get locked into the routines of our lives. The same, dull, unappreciated job that we hate going to. The same, emotionally painful arguments with our lovers or partners that just keep making us feel bad. You keep hoping for that lottery win, or a sudden solution to the problems in your relationships. Guess what? Making your life better is not about miracles, it is about you. YOU are the one who has to decide to take risks to change the personal world you live in. Start really looking for a better job, find a way to change the way you talk to your partner, do something wild and crazy to shock yourself out of the rut.

4. Give to Yourself. Do something every day that is just for you. A moment of quiet time with a book. A movie out with popcorn and soda. A piece of Godiva chocolate at bed time. If you are good to yourself, and treat yourself like you are the most special person in the world - you'll find others will treat you that way too.

5. Celebrate the Past, and Move On. Your past is integral to who you are and should be celebrated, both the good and the bad. But the past should not prevent you from embracing and living in the present, and moving toward the future. Break the bad habits you've acquired, you're strong enough. Leave the grudges, bad feelings and unhappiness of past relationships behind you, they only weigh you down. Get in touch with that inner child, where every momentwas something new and exciting to be enjoyed and explored. Live.

Happy Holidays!
By L. A. Vess
2004 Laura Vess, All Rights Reserved